Table of contents
An acquaintance of mine was seriously involved in downhill skiing and recounted that the first thing they were taught was how to fall correctly; otherwise, any wrong movement could negate all previous effort. Undoubtedly, spiritual life is not a mechanical process, but here too there are its own patterns and the experience of previous generations of Christians, which it is beneficial to take into account.
A recently converted person is usually inclined to idealize church life. Moreover, on the path of spiritual growth, obstacles arise such as: the passions (entrenched sins), society (the world lying in evil), and Satan (who strives to bring the Christian back under his dominion). Let us attempt to briefly formulate the basic principles that can help avoid at least some mistakes and spiritual falls.
Please note that this guide is intended exclusively for new Christians. Mature and deeply established Christians may consider some of the deliberately unambiguous warnings indicated here within a broader spectrum of permissibility.
The Goal of Christian Life
- Setting the Right Goa
To whom do we come in Church and for what purpose? To the Heavenly Father – to God – for the knowledge of God, communion with God, and becoming like God.
God is the Creator of the universe. Everything is His: the Earth is His, the stars are His, the water is His, everything belongs to Him. He is the Creator and Lawgiver. God created this world, therefore He is not subject to the laws of this world; He exists beyond time and space. God is not the cosmos; He is the creator of the cosmos. He is not cosmic energy; He is the creator of all energies. God is a Person, and He desires personal relationships with people. For the salvation of humanity, God became incarnate, without ceasing to be God, and became man.
It is fundamentally important to understand that a Christian is not one who merely meticulously performs ancient rites, but one for whom the exemplar of infinite love – the God-Man Jesus Christ – and His action in the world and in their own life has become a reality. God is not only in books; God is always near, as it says in the evening prayer: «Whose name we call upon above every other name.»
Unfortunately, most people come to church seeking solutions to life’s problems, and after a short while, they no longer need the Savior until the next trouble arises. However, solving this or that practical concern should not be the main goal of church life. Similarly, the goal of marriage is not merely pleasure, protection, material well-being, or solving everyday issues, but above all, love and the desire for communion with the beloved.
If the goal of a person’s life is the Absolute – Christ – imitating Him in virtue, knowing Him, and striving for communion with Him, then, in this light, the root of problems becomes clear, along with the path to overcoming them (not necessarily their disappearance, but a change in one’s attitude towards them).
- What is More Important: Theory or Practice?
For establishing a harmonious spiritual life, one should neglect neither theory nor practice.
- Ignorance is not the best aid in the knowledge of God. Correct knowledge about God helps avoid fantasies and distorted ideas about Him. When someone claims they have lost their faith, in most cases, it turns out that their faith was far from Christian.
- Similarly, mere theory – even extensive theoretical knowledge – does not unite a person with God without prayer, works of mercy, participation in divine services, and the Church Sacraments.
Choosing Information Sources
- Whom to Listen To?
The Church is not a store, but a family, and in a family, it is customary to learn from experience. However, one should avoid a settled disposition to believe everything. Sacred Tradition (the written and unwritten experience of the Church) is not equivalent to folk traditions or private opinions, which should be approached with discernment.
The spiritual experience and knowledge of parishioners are not always directly proportional to their church «seniority.» The assertion – «she must know because she’s been going to church for many years» – does not apply to everyone. After all, the degree to which people assimilate and are able to transmit what they have heard varies greatly.
It should be remembered that the grace of teaching is bestowed by God upon priests and bishops in the Sacrament of Ordination, but it is not bestowed irrespective of their personal efforts. This is why several years ago, a seminary diploma became a mandatory educational minimum for priests.
Not every monk is an authority in theology; a monk takes vows (of poverty, celibacy, and obedience), but this does not automatically make him an expert in theology.
Theology as a science encompasses a system of various disciplines; a person might be, for example, even a professor in apologetics, yet express questionable assertions in dogmatics or patrology.
«Who, when, to whom, and on what occasion said this» is a universal principle for evaluating any authoritative quote. For instance, when reading ascetic literature, it is crucial to understand to whom the advice is given: to beginners among the laity or to mature monastics. Similarly, from statements that one thing is more important than another in the spiritual life, one should not conclude that the less important thing can be forgotten.
- Using Verified Sources of Information
For books, the publishing approval stamp of the Publishing Council of the Russian Orthodox Church is necessary. On the Internet, it makes sense to rely on major Orthodox websites – «Azbyka.ru» (The ABC of Faith), «Pravoslavie.ru» (Orthodoxy.ru), and the Orthodox magazine «Foma.ru».
- Verify!
Recently, I read the spiritual autobiography of a woman who lost her faith. One of the stages in her downfall was being scandalized by information claiming that the Lord’s Prayer («Our Father») is a direct borrowing from an Egyptian prayer of one of the pharaohs. It’s unfortunate that she didn’t bother to find a refutation of this fabrication but instead took the word of dubious sources.
It is extremely incorrect to limit the evaluation of certain actions solely to the criteria of allowed/forbidden. The spectrum of evaluation is usually much broader and includes concepts such as: beneficial, appropriate, pious, customary, and their opposites (inappropriate, impious, not customary). Furthermore, these criteria may differ for a child or an adult, a nursing mother or a nun, a sick person or a healthy one, someone newly entering the Church or someone long-churched.
In all these cases, the criteria of permissibility and impermissibility themselves are also important. If something is forbidden, which specific church canon prohibits it? If something is not customary, in what cases is it customary? Often the criterion is simply common sense. For example, there is no canon forbidding spitting or using foul language in church, yet it is obvious that this is impious. Conversely, if someone says that it is strictly forbidden to wash your face before morning prayer, to light one candle from another, or for a pregnant woman to enter the church, it makes sense to inquire about the source of such «prohibitions.»
- Ask!
Has some information shaken your faith and led you into temptation? Ask more experienced Christians (not just those with longer church attendance, but also those with a higher level of spiritual education). If one person couldn’t answer – ask another; if one priest couldn’t answer – ask another priest. Don’t hesitate to ask a priest; he is not a boss, but the celebrant during divine services and your spiritual father. One of the most important tasks of his ministry is to help parishioners in their religious growth.
Be sure to pray beforehand, asking the Lord to grant you understanding, because sometimes we cannot accept even an obviously correct answer.
- How to Approach Information About the Sins of Church Servants?
First and foremost, it should be remembered that clergy are also human, and sinless people do not exist.
But each of us will answer only for our own sins at the Last Judgment, not for the sins of others.
If the sin of your parish priest is of a mortal nature, prevents him from fulfilling his duties as a clergyman, and you are convinced of this based on solid evidence, then it might be advisable to seek spiritual nourishment from another priest.
Church Community
- How to Learn to Understand the Church Service
Deeper participation in the church divine services will be aided by studying its order – both before the service and during it (it is perfectly acceptable to hold a book or electronic device with the service text in your hands). If you get tired out of habit and there are pews in the church, don’t hesitate to sit down (though it’s preferable to stand during the reading of Holy Scripture).
- On the Desire to Change What Seems Wrong to You in the Church (Outdated, Incomprehensible)
There is a rule in one monastery: novices have the right to make suggestions for improving monastic life only after the first year of residence there. This is a very wise regulation: it makes sense to first observe and try to understand the true reasons and internal logic of a particular practice.
- Never, Under Any Circumstances, Expect Gratitude or Reward from People
Serve Christ and do not expect gratitude, reward, or glory from people, regardless of your contribution to the life of the church community. If we expect gratitude for our good deeds, it means we are trying to sell them…
- The Desire to Enter a Monastery Requires Testing Through Experience of Christian Life in the World
It is rare for a new convert not to have this desire. It seems that in the world, everyone and everything hinders spiritual growth, while in a monastery, nothing will distract from «spiritual labor.» However, monasticism is not only a choice but, first and foremost, a deliberate calling. One does not flee to a monastery (from problems), but rather comes to it as a place most suited for prayer and intense ascetic feats.
When we go on pilgrimage, we see the external side of monastic life. But, like a parish church, a monastery is a hospital – though not an outpatient clinic, but an inpatient ward. Try first to become a Christian in the world; then you will be able, to some extent, to test your readiness to renounce it completely.
Even if you have made a firm decision, do not rush into taking monastic vows. It is advisable to live for 2–3 years in your chosen monastery as a laborer or novice, observing the community with which you intend to «be betrothed» for all your remaining earthly life. After all, a monastery is not only prayer; it is strict discipline and labor within a specific community under the guidance of an abbot.
It is also beneficial to learn about monastic life not only from ancient Patericons, but also from modern guides, such as «To the Quiet Haven» by Abbot Boris (Dolzhenko).
- A Christian’s Appearance
Guidelines on appearance can be reduced to two main pieces of advice:
It is commendable when a new Christian reconsiders their appearance in light of no longer serving sin, abandoning shameless and provocative clothing, hairstyles, and cosmetic accessories. However, this does not mean one should abruptly adopt the attire of a hermit. Such an extreme change can feed vanity («Look how spiritual I am now!») just as much as the previous style did.
It is also worth remembering that the Liturgy is a festive service, and one should attend in elegant, dignified clothing.
- On Enlightening Those Around You
A major pitfall is the temptation to direct all one’s energy and newfound knowledge toward «churchifying» others, rather than first becoming a conscious member of Christ’s Church oneself. Strive instead to live in such a way that those around you, seeing your new life in God, will desire it for themselves. As Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh said:
«No one can come to faith in God unless they see the light of eternal life in the eyes of another person.»
Do not withdraw from your household. Gently share your thoughts, experiences, and newfound faith with your loved ones.
Examine the fruits of your faith. Your relationships with those closest to you are the most accurate indicator of whether your spiritual growth and faith are genuine.
- The Lives of Saints
The most common temptation when reading the Lives of Saints is to dismiss their virtues as impossible and the genre itself as fictional. Ancient hagiographies (saints’ lives) are not strict historical records but rather edifying literature—not always claiming documentary precision.
Yet, spiritually, they are flawless. They accurately reflect the faith of the Church and the laws of spiritual life, even if the holiness described seems unattainable to modern readers.
Spiritual Life
- Spiritual Life Must Not Eclipse Moral Life
Before aspiring to the heights of spiritual life, one must first revive their conscience, direct efforts toward achieving and maintaining peace with neighbors, and learn to evaluate their thoughts, words, and deeds by the Gospel—not by the standards of secular society. Do not regard relationships with others as secondary compared to communion with God; begin by cultivating careful attention to your conduct and speech.
- Sincerity in Relationship with God: Prayer That Pleases Him
Do not reduce communication with God to formal rituals, thinking prayer belongs only before icons or in church. We are commanded to «pray without ceasing.» Turn to God constantly: in petition, in thanksgiving, in praise. Let prayer become not your last resort, but your first response.
For understanding Church Slavonic, use annotated prayer books. Remember that some words may sound similar to modern Russian but carry different meanings (paronyms). Alongside liturgical language, prayer in modern Russian is also fitting.
Do not fear to ask God, but always add: «Thy will be done,» humbly acknowledging that God knows precisely what benefits us and when. Humility before the Creator of the universe is essential for genuine relationship with Him. There are times when, for instance, people pray for their loved ones’ health and life, yet these prayers go unanswered, leading some to rebel against God and His Church. We must remember: God is the Giver of life; He knows better than we what each person needs at any moment. Death is but a temporary separation of soul and body—God Himself will resurrect all at history’s end.
When addressing God, understand His answer may come not during prayer itself. He may respond through your spiritual father, through others, through books, or through life’s circumstances.
Do not pursue special emotional states in prayer, nor consider them achievements. Every prayerful attainment is God’s gift; ours is the effort, His the outcome. The first gift God grants the praying soul is attentive, undistracted prayer—therefore begin by training your focus and avoiding scatteredness.
- Participation in Church Sacraments
The canonical form of performing the Sacrament of Baptism for healthy people is complete immersion in water, not pouring or sprinkling (acceptable for bedridden patients). Find a church with a baptistry (baptistery), or find a priest who will perform the Sacrament in open water. If you were baptized by pouring, accept this humbly – baptism is performed only once.
For first confession in adulthood, laypeople would do better not to go to a monastery. This is to avoid receiving from a hieromonk (who lives a strict life and applies the same standards to pilgrims) a penance lasting many years. Also, it is better not to come for first confession on Sunday morning when the whole community comes for Liturgy, and the priest cannot give you enough time.
In Orthodoxy there is the Sacrament of Repentance, but not a «Sacrament of forgiving named sins,» so all sins are forgiven when confessed sincerely without consciously hiding them. Don’t worry if you forgot to mention something and don’t obsess over it. Confession is just the final point of another stage of repentance.
In the Sacrament of Unction (Holy Anointing), or when bathing in sanctified waters, sins are not automatically forgiven, not even forgotten ones.
- Haste is Inappropriate in Spiritual Life
Spiritual growth does not happen instantly or suddenly. Just as a tree doesn’t reach full height overnight, a house isn’t built in a moment, and a person doesn’t mature in an instant.
Christ reveals God’s will to us in the Gospel in the most concentrated form. He gives us the ideal of thoughts and actions (and for approaching this ideal, He founded the Church).
For example, how should we understand Christ’s words «love your enemies»? The range of possibilities for fulfilling this commandment is broad. One might love an enemy enough to lay down one’s life for them, like Christ. Or at least stop hating them, wishing them harm, and recognize them as equally human – just as wounded by sin.
Similarly, how should we follow the advice to «consider yourself worse than others»? This state is God’s gift; it cannot be achieved by sheer willpower. The path begins with stopping comparisons and simply seeing yourself as an ordinary person.
Thus, when someone just beginning to live by the Gospel immediately tries to emulate great saints, it usually leads only to self-disappointment and despondency. And where despondency appears, doubts inevitably follow: «Am I on the right path? Maybe Christianity isn’t for people like me, but only for spiritual giants with iron willpower?»
- What is «Obedience»?
This concept has several levels:
- Highest – obedience to God and His commandments
- Next – obedience to one’s spiritual father (this implies counsel rather than dictatorship on his part, and attentiveness on yours)
- For monastics – obedience to the bishop and abbot as one of their vows
History preserves rare examples of complete, unconditional monastic obedience to spiritual elders. But to renounce one’s will, one must first have a will to renounce – not mistake childish irresponsibility for voluntary surrender. Moreover, such absolute obedience described in the Patericons typically involved spirit-bearing (saintly) elders whose discernment was evident. Applying these standards indiscriminately to any clergyman is unwise.
Unlike monastics, laypeople don’t vow obedience. Don’t try to shift every decision and responsibility onto your priest. Remember we’re always personally accountable for our actions. If someone insists you enter monasticism or marry a specific person, recall that you – not they – will live with the consequences. Christ warned: «If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit» (Mt 15:14). Note: obedience itself doesn’t prevent errors – both still fall.
- Spiritual Guidance
A spiritual father isn’t necessarily a clairvoyant elder – usually just the priest you regularly confess to. Essentially, he’s like a «district doctor» for your soul.
A priest’s task is to lead people to Christ, not to himself.
Signs you might need a different spiritual father:
- Gives commands rather than advice
- Displays arrogance (not to be confused with busyness or strictness)
- Focuses exclusively on ritual obligations
- Claims true Christianity exists only under his guidance in his community
- Generally forbids Communion on Pascha
- Overly interested in intimate details during confession (normally we simply name sexual sins without elaboration)
- Temptations in Choosing a Spiritual Father
- Avoiding confession because no priest seems «worthy» enough to understand your complex situation (most beginners’ problems are quite ordinary for any moderately experienced priest)
- Resenting all priests after conflict with one (if one doctor fails you, wouldn’t you see another?)
- Confessing grave sins to a different priest (this is deceitful self-harm, like hiding serious illness from your regular doctor)
Distinguish between the Sacrament of Confession and spiritual counseling. The confession rite doesn’t involve detailed discussion – schedule a separate meeting for that.
Don’t expect extensive time at first meeting – priests have dozens of parishioners and duties. Before asking questions, try finding answers yourself (abundant resources exist today).
When deferring decisions to a priest, be prepared to live with the consequences. For example:
- Fasting before Communion technically begins at midnight
- Some practice 3-7 day fasts (appropriate for non-fasting, infrequent communicants)
- For regular churchgoers, this is personal asceticism – not obligation
- Most priests answering «three days» assume the question comes from infrequent communicators
- Many maintain this unnecessarily their whole life, making the fast more important than Communion itself
You – not the priest – bear responsibility for life-altering decisions (monastic vows, marriage, relocation etc.).
Clarify what you seek in a blessing: permission or prayerful support. For example, if you’ve already booked vacation tickets, seek blessing for safe travels rather than «permission» to go.
- Receiving Comments from Fellow Parishioners
Pride sometimes prevents us from humbly accepting comments – especially tactless ones. But if they’re reasonable, consider them.
If someone is outright rude, politely ask if the rector authorized their corrections, suggesting you visit him together.
You might apologize: «Forgive me for causing your irritation.»
If repeatedly asked to pass candles during crowded services, politely suggest not distracting those praying ahead.
Most importantly – remember Who you came to meet! Then no evil force can drive you from church.
Imagine someone giving away their fortune. Would others’ behavior in line make you leave? Or would you endure anything for that treasure? If we do this for money, how much more for eternal life?
- Reading Scripture and Patristic Works
Recommended sequence:
- Begin Scripture with New Testament
- Start New Testament with Mark’s Gospe
Scripture is divine-human collaboration requiring proper interpretation (exegesis) – the field of hermeneutics. If you find apparent contradictions, don’t assume you’re more perceptive than centuries of Christians. Such passages likely have dozens of Orthodox interpretations – simply study them. Orthodox exegesis relies on saints who combined holy living with divine wisdom.
St. John Climacus warns: «Some demons initially interpret Scripture for beginners, especially the learned and vainglorious, gradually leading them into heresy and blasphemy. We recognize this demonic ‘theology’ by the disorderly, impure excitement it produces.»
Key principle: Scripture is interpreted by Sacred Tradition (Church experience), not independently. Departing this produced thousands of sects interpreting «by their own wind.» Meaning resides not in words but their understanding – recall Satan tempted Christ with Bible quotes twisted from context.
Note this refers to Sacred Tradition, not human traditions (customs/rules) which mustn’t contradict Scripture.
Avoid:
- Quoting out of context
- Ignoring cultural-historical background
- Assuming newer always better (as with technology)
For Christians, knowing and living the Gospel are equally vital – mere reading without spiritual life doesn’t save.
- Asceticism
Could you build a house just by piling materials? However much you gather, no house appears. You need plans, an architect, and proper arrangement. Similarly, Christian life requires order.
Asceticism’s goal is acquiring virtues, becoming Godlike in goodness. Fighting passions (entrenched sins) is the means – not the end. For example, overcoming greed aims at becoming merciful, not just endlessly battling greed.
Common mistakes:
- Treating the Typikon (monastic rule) as mandatory rather than ideal 17th-century Palestinian monastic practice
- Thinking «since I can’t match great ascetics, why try?» (If you can’t lift 250kg, should you avoid the gym entirely?)
- Starting abruptly with self-imposed impossible burdens
- Choosing ascetic practices unsuitable for most modern laypeople
- Lacking discernment (e.g., extreme fasting requires proportionate prayer, or becomes unsustainable)
- Visions and Revelations
After the Fall, God providentially hid the spiritual world, rarely revealing it – either for instruction or to His chosen. The same applies to dreams. Best approach: neither reject nor accept; don’t presume yourself worthy.
Similarly in prayer: avoid fantasy, imagining those you address. Exclude artificial emotional stimulation, seeking pleasure or special spiritual gifts.
- «No Accidents»
View events through eternity’s lens, seeing God’s providence or permission in all circumstances. Often God answers prayers through life events. This requires acting Christianly even in seemingly hopeless situations – without manic sign-seeking in dreams, thoughts or chance encounters.
But evaluate only your own life – not others’. We might accept illness as chastisement for our sins, but cannot judge others’ illnesses similarly.
- When Faith Cools
Initially, God supports newcomers with abundant «inviting grace.» Later He teaches us to exert effort with «cooperating grace.» This resembles parents first carrying a baby, then teaching it to walk.
Mistaking this transition for lost faith or cooling zeal occurs because early efforts brought quick spiritual rewards (joy, consolation, prayerfulness).
For full spiritual life and rekindled faith, the Church recommends:
- Regular daily prayer
- Weekly Eucharist
- Daily Scripture and spiritual reading
- Striving to keep commandments with self-examination
- Good works and parish involvement (or helping organize one)
- How Not to Lose Faith
Most often faith is lost through:
- Pride
- Hardening in sin
- Distorted concepts of God and Christian truth
Few will blame themselves – they find external causes. The usual sequence: first spiritual decline, then hyper-focusing on others’ faults…
Abba Dorotheus writes:
«First pride is criticizing others as worthless while esteeming oneself higher. Unchecked, this gradually progresses to pride against God Himself – attributing achievements to oneself rather than God. I knew someone who began by dismissing ordinary brothers, then saints like Zosima, then Macarius, then Basil and Gregory, then Peter and Paul, finally saying ‘Only the Trinity matters’ – until he lost his mind. Therefore we must strenuously resist initial pride to avoid complete destruction.»
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